Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
