I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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