dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
