You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
