The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You did what with his pubic hair?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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