The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize