I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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