I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Is it penis luge time yet?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
