Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
