My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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