Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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