I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
