omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
