After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
