he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
