btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
