Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
