Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
