final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!