goodnight i made you a song goodbye
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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