I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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