My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
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He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
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I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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