Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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