I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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