Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
