If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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