When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
