would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
