either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize