One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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