Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize