Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
