I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
