I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
