he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
