carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
