already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
