Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
