No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
