Sponge bath it is.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
