I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
