I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
