Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
