Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
