Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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