Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
