My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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