My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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