Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
