me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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