My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
