OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
