Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
