My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
