I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
