...so i touched it.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
