My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
