we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
