So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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