in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
