tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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